"Raggedy man, goodbye."

It's official that Matt Smith will be leaving "Doctor Who" in/after this year's Christmas Special. And I'm super sad. I've been moping around ever since I got the news yesterday. My mum even asked me if something bad had happened, but I refused to tell her because she'd never understand. I don't even really understand it myself. Most of the people who know me probably won't understand, especially those how know how hard a time I had accepting Matt as the Doctor in the first place. 
When Christopher Eccleston left, I didn't want anyone else to play the Doctor. And I didn't want to like David Tennant because everyone seemed to like him so much and he was easy on the eye. I really thought people just liked him for his looks. I wanted to hold onto Eccleston so fiercely, because he was the reason I started watching "Doctor Who" in the first place. It was such a shock when Eccleston's Doctor regenerated and suddenly this young jumpy bloke appeared who reminded me so much of Tigger from "Winnie the Pooh". And he smiled this smile and was all cute and I felt myself falling this guy instantly. But I still refused to let myself like him, let him charm me with his cute smile and great hair. But then I watched "The Christmas Invasion", his first episode, and he spent most of the time unconscious and clad in pajamas. But then he woke up and he quoted "The Lion King" and flirted with Rose and I found myself absolutely smitten with this adorable adorable man. And from this moment on, David Tennant was my Doctor. And he always will be. Christopher Eccleston will always have a special place in my heart because he was my first Doctor, but David Tennant will always be the one for me. My Doctor. 
When David finally regenerated, I was in tears. I was devastated. I didn't want him to go. Never. I know it's unfair, because, of course David should be allowed to go and play other roles and not have to be the Doctor for the rest of his career/life. And he did and went on to do really awesome shows and movies , not to mention his work on stage (which is what he should be doing, really. Because he's an amazing stage actor.). But I did not want to let him go. And I certainly did not want to accept this silly Matt Smith bloke. 'Cause that's what he was to me. Just some silly young bloke who made the Doctor act way too childish. Everything he did seemed just so slapstick. There were some really nice moments there from the beginning as well, but Matt's Doctor just never managed to sweep me off my feet as David did. I got used to Matt after a while. There were still moments when I desperately wished for David Tennant to come back. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I still miss David a lot. But it got better. And I learned to enjoy watching Matt Smith in the role. In retrospect, I think the reason why I had such problems getting used to this new Doctor might have been a mix of several factors: new Doctor, new companions, new writer. Maybe that was just too much change at once. When Christopher Eccleston regenerated into David Tennat, Rose was still there as the companion. There was this constant. And then David Tennant was there with changing companions. And the writer was still Russell T. Davies, of course. There was still that. When David and RTD left, everything changed. The whole show felt different. I cannot say if it would have been easier for me to accept Matt Smith had RTD still been in charge of the show. You all know that I don't enjoy Steven Moffat's writing all that much. But I don't blame him for my initial problems with Matt. I know that Matt would never have become my Doctor. That will always be David Tennant. After a while, I think it might have been the "Vincent and the Doctor" episode, I started to accept this new Doctor. I also started to separate Matt's acting from Moffat's writing. There are still times when I really dislike some of the things this Doctor says or does, but these things are not Matt. They're simply in the script. And there are a lot of delightful moments as well. Moments when I really like this Doctor, Matt's Doctor. And since Jenna-Louise Coleman became his new companion Clara, I really started to enjoy "Doctor Who" a lot more again. Not that the Ponds hadn't been good companions, I liked them well enough and was even a little sad when they left (not as sad as when Rose or Donna left, but then, if David Tennant is my Doctor, Rose and Donna are my companions), but the chemistry between Matt and Jenna is different again, and I just really really enjoy watching them on screen together. I also started to appreciate Matt Smith's Doctor even more. Oh, and Matt was simply brilliant in "A Nightmare in Silver". I knew he was a good actor, but I feel like this episode really showed off his acting skills. He simply blew me away. 
But now that I found this whole new appreciation for Matt Smith as the Doctor he will only be in two more episode and then he'll be gone. And there will be a new actor taking his place, as he took David Tennant's place 4 years ago. By now I know that the fact that there will be a new Doctor won't make me stop watching the show. And I decided to give them a fair chance. Who knows, I might like whomever they cast even better than Matt Smith. And maybe they will have great chemistry with Jenna (should she be staying) as well. It could be great. (Of course I'm a bit disappointed that Steven Moffat is probably going to stay, but that's got nothing to do with Matt leaving.) It could be wonderful. I might not even be missing Matt. Who knows?
But for now, I'm just really sad that Matt will be leaving. Okay?